Man vs Woman

What is the difference between men and women?


1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.

6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

Mexican Baby

Dewey and Odell were talking on their lunch
break.

"Say," said Dewey, "Ah hurd yew and yore
wife is goin' ta night school ta take Spanish
lessons. How cum?"

"Uh huh," answered Odell.
"We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby,
and we wanna be able ta understand him when he
gets old enough ta talk!"

Fishing??

....A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although she wasn't familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the boat. She rowed out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book. Along came the sheriff in his boat.

He pulled up alongside her and said,
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading my book," she replied...
as she thought to herself, duh-isn't it obvious?

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.

"But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"

"Yes, but you have all the equipment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape,"
snapped the irate woman.

"But, I haven't even touched you," complained the sheriff.

She replied, "Yes, that's true, she replied,
"but you do have all the equipment."

Fire!

Death Row in Women's Prison

Three women are about to be executed.

One's a brunette,

one's a redhead

and one's a blonde.

The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if

she has any last requests.
She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!''

Suddenly the brunette yells, ''EARTHQUAKE!!!''

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no and the executioner shouts, ''Ready! Aim!''

Suddenly the redhead yells, ''TORNADO!!!''

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out.
The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!''

and the blonde yells, ''FIRE!!!'''

(mati deh lu... blonde!!!)

Computer Problem

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Jimmy the computer guy, to come over.
Jimmy clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that . in case I need to fix it again?"

The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied."Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote out ........

I
D

1
O

T





I D 1 0 T

How if sheep can not sleep?

Have You Ever Wondered How Sheep Cure Insomnia?





They count the farmers

Married for a Night

A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.

Dumbs...

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it".
For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.
He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50".
The next day someone stole it.

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was North because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, (and has for sometime), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff". . . . . . .


I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" . . . . . .


My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving". . . . . . .


My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk . . . . .


My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount . . . . .

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned. . . . . . . . . . .


I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?". . . . . . . . . .




While working at a Pizza Parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He though about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 . . . . . . . .

Math...

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**********************************************

Nobody loves You???

When you feel that nobody loves you,

Nobody cares for you,

And everyone is ignoring you,


You should start asking yourself...





Am I TOO sexy ???

THE HOLE IN THE WALL

I guy walks past a mental hospital and hears a moaning voice, "13... 13... 13... 13..."

The man then looks over at the hospital and saw a hole in the wall. He looks through the hole in the wall and gets poked in the eye.

The moaning voice then groans, "14... 14... 14... 14..."

The dead of the Goldfish

Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the rosy-cheeked youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Timmy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Timmy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Timmy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your freakin' cat!"

Prison vs Work

When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad...
IN PRISON.......You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.AT WORK........You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.......You get three meals a day.
AT WORK........You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON.......You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK........You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON.......A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK........You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON........You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK.........You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.......You get your own toilet.
AT WORK........You have to share.

IN PRISON.......They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK........You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON.......All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK........You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON.......You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK........You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON......There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK.......They are called supervisors.

IN PRISON.......You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
AT WORK........You get fired if you get caught.

NOW GET BACK TO WORK!

Executive Fantasy

A rich business executive sees an ad in the Wall Street Journal for the world's fastest and most expensive car, the Tri-Turbo Convertible Fantasy. It costs over $1 million.

The mogul decides that he must have it, and assigns half a dozen assistants to track the car down for him. After months of searching, the car is found, bought, and delivered. Eager to play with his new toy, the executive takes it for a spin.

At the first stop light, an old man rides up next to the Fantasy on an old Vespa. Without an invitation, the old man sticks his head in the car and says, "Quite a ride you got here - how fast will she go?"
"About 270," answers the executive.
"No way," says the old man.

Just then, the light turns green and the executive decides to show the old man what the car can do. He floors it, and within seconds the car is doing 270.
But suddenly, he notices in his rear view mirror a dot that seems to be getting closer and closer, so he comes to a stop.

Then, whooooooooooosh, something goes flying by.
"What the heck was that?" says the executive. "What can go faster than my Fantasy?"

Suddenly, the same blur comes racing back toward him, and whoooooosh, passes right by. This time the executive got a better look and could have sworn it looked like the old man on the Vespa.

"That just couldn't be," he says to himself.
Suddenly, he sees it again in his rear view mirror and wham! It smashes into the back of the Fantasy.

The executive jumps from his car, and sure enough, it's the old man on the Vespa that crashed into him.

"Are you okay?" asks the executive. "Is there anything I can do for you?
"Yes," replied the old man, "unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror, please."

Humor berbahasa Jawa

Alkisah di sebuah perusahaan besar di kawasan Keprabon, tengah melakukan beberapa tes wawancara untuk " tidak" menerima calon karyawan baru, tentu saja salah satu prasyaratnya adalah harus berbahasa EJD (Ejaan Jawa yg nDaksempurna).

Bagi yang tidak memahaminya nggih nyuwun sewu ... (mohon mangap)
Boso Jawi ... Meniko

G : Kowe nduwe omah opo ora.....?
a : dereng....
G : Wah kowe ora iso ketompo nang kene
a : Lho kok ngaten........?
G : Mengko kowe mesthi ngajukne utang nang perusahaan.
a : Ah.. mboten kok, Sak janipun tiyang sepuh kuloniku sampun sugih.
G : Yo malah ora ketompo
a : Lho kok ngaten.....?
G : Mengko kowe kerjo mung nggo hiburan, nongkrang nongkrong ae.

G : Kowe nduwe motor opo ora....?
b : Mboten.
G : Ora ketompo
b : Lho kok mboten ketompo ?
G : Mengko kowe mesthi njaluk bantuan kredit.
b : Sak janipun gadhah, ning tasih ten kampung, gampil mangke kulo beto ngriki.
G : Wah malah ra ketompo....
b : lho kok ngoten
G : Tempat parkire wis ra cukup.

G : Kowé wis lulus sarjana tenan.....?
c : sampun pak....
G : Ora ketompo, kéné iki golék sing SMA aé, luwih manutan lan bén mbayaré murah
c : Sak janipun kulo tasih badhe skripsi
G : Malah ora ketompo.....
c : Lho kados pundi to....?
G : Mengko kow é kerjo mung ngetik skripsi, lék wis lulus mesti golék kerjo neng perusahaan liyo.

G : Kowé seneng guyon opo ora ?
d : Mboten pak, kulo serius n ék nyambut gawé.
G: Ra ketompo.....
d : waa......kok ngoten?
G : Engko konco koncomu lan anak buahmu podho stress.
d : Sak jané nggih sekedhik sekedhik seneng guyon.
G : Malah ora ketompo.
d : Lho kok......
G : Engko kowé mung email emailan sing lucu.......

G : Kowé mau mréné numpak opo ?
e : Nitih mobil
G : Kowé ora ketompo
e : Sebabipun ?
G : Saiki BBM mundhak terus, mengko kowé njaluk mundhak bayar terus
e : Wo, kulo wau namung mboncèng, kok
G : Tambah ora ketompo
e : Lho, lha kok ... ?
G : Mengko mung gawéné mboncéng mobil kantor.Ngrusuhi !

G : Anakmu akèh opo sithik ?
f : Kathah pak
G : Kowé ora ketompo
f : Sebabipun ?
G : Nyambut gawemu ora jenjem, mung mikir gawe uanaaaaaak terus
f : Lha wong namung anak adopsi, kok.
G : Tambah ora ketompof : Lho, lha kok ... ?
G : Gawé anak baé aras2en, opo manèh nyambut gawé

G : Kowé wis ngerti gawéyanmu durung ?
h : Dèrèng
G : Kowé ora ketompo
h : Sebabipun ?
G : Arep nyambut gaw é kok ora ngerti gaweyané ?
h : Oo, nèk damelan niku mpun ngertos kok
G : Tambah ora ketompo
h : Lho, lha kok ... ?
G : Kowé rak mung arep keminter, to ?

G : Kowe ngerti kahanan kantor k éné durung
k : Dèrèng
G : Kowé ora ketompo
k : Sebabipun ?
G : Arep nyambut gawé kok ora ngerti kantoré ?
k : Wo, sekedhik2 mpun ngertos kok
G : Tambah ora ketompo
k : Lho, lha kok ... ?
G : Kowé senengané ngudhal-udhal wewadi kantor, to ?

G : Kowé kerep loro ?
m : Mboten
G : Kowé ora ketompo
m : Sebabipun ?
G : Mesthi kerep mbolos, wong arang2 gering
m : Wah, sakjanipun nggih asring
G : Tambah ora ketompo
m : Lho, lha kok ... ?
G : Kantor iki ora nompo karyawan pileren.

G : Kowé biso main Internét ?
n : mBoten
G : Kowé ora ketompo
n : Sebabipun ?
G : Perusahaan ora nompo BI (Buta Internet)
n : Wah, sakjanipun nggih saged
G : Tambah ora ketompo
n : Lho, lha kok ... ?
G : Mesthi ora bakal nyambut gawé, kakèhan dolanan Internet, to?Ngenték-entekké pulsa !

G : Kowe waras opo ora?
o : Lha, kulo nggih waras to Pak.
G : Ra ketompo.......
o : Kenging nopo .....?
G : Mengko kowe mesthi ora krasan neng kene.
o : Niku rumiyin Pak, sakmeniko sampun rodo edan.
G : Malah ra ketompo......
o : Pripun to niki....?
G : Mengko aku duwe saingan..........

DIKUTIP SAKING WISHKNEW'S PUNYA BLOG

Humor Binatang

POTONG RAMBUT
Suatu hari Tito membawa anjing peliharaannya ke salon rambut khusus hewan. Setelah selesai, Tito terkejut setelah disodori kuitansi pembayaran sebesar Rp 30 ribu."Lho...kok mahal sekali? Saya saja kalau potong rambut di salon cuma Rp 10 ribu protes Tito.""Tapi anda tidak menggigit kan?," sahut petugas salon dengan kalem.


BURUNG BANGAU
Cucuku, Ana, diberi tugas oleh gurunya untuk membuat cerita mengenai "Asal-usul Keluargaku". Tujuannya adalah untuk mengerti genelogi anak- anak.

Pada saat makan malam Ana bertanya, "Nenek, dari mana aku datang?" Aku agak gugup menjawabnya, karena takut salah menjawab sedangkan anak dan menantuku sedang keluar kota. Akhirnya aku menjawab sesederhana mungkin, "Begini sayang, seekor burung bangau membawamu kesini."

"Kalau Mama, datangnya dari mana?"
"Burung bangau juga yang bawa dia kesini."
"Kalau gitu ... Nenek datangnya dari mana?"
"Sayang, burung bangau itu juga yang bawa Nenek ke rumah orangtua Nenek."
"Ya udah deh ... makasih ya, Nek."

Aku sudah lupa akan kejadian itu ketika beberapa hari kemudian ketika aku sedang membersihkan kamar Ani, aku membaca kalimat pertama dari laporannya ....
"Selama tiga generasi, tidak ada keluarga kami yang lahir dengan normal."


BURUNG GARUDA
Seorang murid Sekolah Dasar yang mempunyai sifat kritis bertanya kepada gurunya.
Murid : "Pak, kenapa lambang negara kita burung garuda?"
Guru : "Karena sesuai dengan hari kemerdekaan kita, 17 Agustus 1945, 17 adalah jumlah bulu di sayap, 08 (Agustus) adalah jumlah bulu di ekor, dan 45 adalah jumlah bulu yang berada di leher."

Murid :"Lalu mengapa negara kita merdeka tanggal 17 Agustus bukan tanggal yang lain, tanggal 02 Januari misalnya.......?"
Guru : "ehmmm, kalau kita merdeka tanggal 02 Januari maka lambang negara kita bukan lagi burung garuda melainkan capung, dengan dua sayap dan satu ekor."


BURUNG MERAK
Untuk pertama kalinya si Ginnie mengunjungi neneknya yang tinggal di daerah peternakan. Di situ dia melihat seekor Burung Merak yang belum pernah dia lihat sebelumnya.
Dengan heran ia terus memandangi burung itu, dan tiba-tiba ia berlari masuk ke rumah dan berteriak histeris, "Nekkk ..., lihat! Salah satu dari ayam-ayam nenek sudah berbunga!"


ANJING YANG SETIA
Ada seorang Bapak ingin menjual seekor anjing yang sudah lama dimilikinya. Hal ini terpaksa dilakukannya karena si Bapak membutuhkan uang dan hanya anjing itu saja lah yang ia miliki, maka terpaksa anjing itu harus dijualnya.
Suatu saat si Bapak bertemu dengan seorang pembeli dan mulailah si Bapak menawarkan anjing tersebut.

Pembeli:"Kenapa Bapak menjual anjing ini ....?"
Bapak: "Karena saya sangat membutuhkan uang."
Pembeli: "Boleh tidak kalau harganya diturunkan sedikit lagi ....?"
Bapak: "Tidak bisa , karena saya tahu anjing ini adalah anjing yang baik dan setia."
Pembeli: "Bagaimana Bapak tahu kalau anjing itu , adalah anjing yang setia ...?"
Bapak : "Iya ... Sudah 5 kali saya mencoba menjualnya , tetapi dia selalu kembali lagi kepada saya ...."
Pembeli : ??????????
Anjing: "Guk ... Guk ... Guk ...."

Humor Antar Bangsa

MUSIM
Seorang Amerika membual :
"Musim salju kami begitu dingin sehingga kami memasang alat pemanas di bawah tubuh sapi supaya mereka tidak menghasilkan eskrim. "

Orang Indonesia yang diajaknya bicara tidak mau kalah :
"Itu bukan apa-apa ! Musim panas kami begitu panas sehingga kami harus mengipasi ayam betina supaya tidak mengeluarkan telur rebus ! "


KKR DI ARAB SAUDI
Pada suatu hari seorang pendeta akan mengadakan KKR kesembuhan di Arab Saudi. Dia membuat sebuah baliho untuk mempublikasikan KKR itu.
Dia membagi baliho itu menjadi tiga bagian (bayangkan seperti brosur yang dilipat menjadi tiga) dari kiri ke kanan.
Bagian pertama yang paling kiri bergambar orang yang sakit lumpuh. Bagian kedua (tengah) bergambar orang itu sedang didoakan oleh pendeta. Bagian ketiga (kanan) bergambar orang itu dapat berjalan kembali.

Pada waktu hari H, dia heran mengapa tidak ada orang yang menghadiri KKR itu. Dia sangat sedih. Dia kembali ke kamar dan berdoa, "Roh Kudus, apa yang salah? Aku sudah mengerjakan sebaik mungkin."

Apa jawab Roh Kudus? (Coba terka :-)





"Kamu harus menjadi seperti orang Arab dalam membuat baliho itu. Orang Arab membaca dari kanan ke kiri. Jadi kalau kamu buat urutan seperti itu, orang Arab akan berpikir bahwa kalau datang ke KKR itu, orang yang sembuh setelah didoakan akan menjadi sakit."


TAKTIK NAIK KERETA GRATIS
Di stasiun kereta Jatinegara ada 2 orang Inggris dan 2 orang Yahudi sedang antre tiket ke Bandung.
Si Inggris memperhatikan si Yahudi membeli tiket, mereka heran karena si Yahudi itu hanya membeli 1 tiket.
Lalu saat mereka naik ke dalam kereta, ternyata duduknya berdekatan.

Setelah kereta jalan dan petugas datang untuk memeriksa tiket, kedua Yahudi itu bergegas masuk ke dalam toilet.

Saat petugas menggedor pintu toilet untuk memeriksa tiket, pintu dibuka dan tampak tangan yang menjulurkan tiket kereta. " Oh, begitu rupanya cara untuk mengakali tiket kereta, " pikir si Inggris.

Pada perjalanan balik dari Bandung, si Inggris kebetulan bertemu lagi dengan si Yahudi.

Si Inggris bertekad mempraktekkan cara si Yahudi dengan hanya membeli 1 tiket. Eh, ternyata si Yahudi tidak membeli tiket sama sekali.

Si Inggris heran : " Akal-akalan apa lagi ini ? ".

Cerita yang sama, petugas datang memeriksa tiket, lalu si Inggris berdua bergegas masuk ke dalam toilet.
Si Yahudi langsung bangkit dan mengetuk pintu toilet. Si Inggris yang mengira itu adalah petugas kereta langsung mengangsurkan tiket dari balik pintu.
Si Yahudi mengambil tiket Si Inggris dan dengan tenang menuju ke toilet yang lain untuk melakukan taktik yang sama.

Doa & Kesembuhan

Ada seorang pendeta "kaya", terkenal dan mempunyai jemaat yang sangat besar. Pada suatu hari ia menerima telpon dari seorang anak kecil,
"Pak Pendeta," kata anak itu, "Tolong ke sini, Pak.Ada anggota keluarga saya yang sakit!"

Dengan segera Pak Pendeta menutup telpon dan berangkat ke rumah anak itu. Setibanya di sana, ia bertanya kepada anak kecil itu,
"Siapa yang sakit dan mau didoakan?"

Dengan muka sedih, si anak menjawab:"Kucing saya, Pak Pendeta. Sudah tiga hari nggak mau makan dan minum".

Pak Pendeta sangat kecewa dan jengkel karena yang sakit itu hanyalah seekor kucing. Kemudian, sambil menumpangkan tangan di atas kepala kucing itu, Pak Pendeta berkata:"Baiklah, mari kita berdoa!! Hai, Kucing! Kalau kau ingin sembuh sembuhlah dan kalau ingin mati matilah, Amin!!!".

Kemudian Pendeta pulang dengan perasaan kecewa karena gara2x seekor kucing, ia harus membatalkan janji untuk acara rapat penting.
Anehnya, kebetulan kucing itu sembuh. Anak ini sangat gembira dan bersaksi kepada teman2xnya tentang hal itu.

Kejadian itu berlalu hingga pada suatu saat si anak itu mendengar bahwa Pendeta yang mendoakan kucingnya tempo hari jatuh sakit.

Maka ia bersama-sama dengan teman2xnya datang mengunjungi Pak Pendeta yang sedang terbaring di tempat tidur.Sambil memberikan bunga, si anak itu berkata,
"Semoga cepat sembuh, Pak?"
"Iya... iya... Doakan saja ya, nak. Biar bapak sembuh!", kata sang Pendeta sambil lalu.


Tiba2x, si anak itu menumpangkan tangannya di atas kepala pak Pendeta dan berdoa: "Hai Kucing!! Kalau kau mau sembuh sembuhlah tapi kalau mau mati matilah, Amin!!!".

"?????!!!!!!"...

[Yang akhirnya disambut dengan sorak-sorai anak2x karena melihat pak Pendeta berdiri dari tempat tidur yang sebenarnya mau memarahi anak itu, dengan teriakan: "Pak Pendeta sembuh!!.. Pak Pendeta sembuh!!...]

Tukang Jahit

Nugroho sangat menginginkan sebuah baju baru. Dia membeli kain dan membawanya ke seorang tukang jahit. Penjahit pertama yang dia kunjungi mengukur Nugroho dan kain yang dibawanya. Setelah itu sang penjahit mengatakan bahwa kain tersebut tidak cukup untuk membuat sebuah kemeja.

Nugroho sangat kecewa dan memutuskan untuk mencoba pergi ke tukang jahit yang lain. Sang penjahit pun melakukan hal yang sama dengan penjahit pertama, yaitu mengukur Nugroho dan kain yang dibawanya.

Penjahit itu lalu tersenyum dan berkata, "Kain ini bisa menjadi satu kemeja berlengan panjang dan satu kemeja berlengan pendek untuk Anda. Silakan datang lagi minggu depan untuk mengambilnya."

Setelah satu minggu berlalu Nugroho pergi lagi ke tukang jahit itu untuk mengambil baju-baju barunya. Sesampainya di sana dia melihat anak tukang jahit itu juga memakai kemeja yang sama dengan kainnya.

Penasaran dia bertanya, "Bagaimana Anda bisa membuatkan dua buah kemeja untuk saya dan satu kemeja untuk anak Anda sedangkan penjahit yang saya temui sebelum Anda berkata kalau dia tidak bisa membuatkan satu kemeja pun dari kain itu?"

"Hmmm ... sangat mudah menjawabnya," jawab sang penjahit. "Penjahit itu pasti punya dua anak laki-laki."

Main Bola

Suatu ketika, pasien-pasien di Rumah Sakit Jiwa di sebuah kota terpaksa harus dipindahkan ke RSJ lainnya di kota lain yang jaraknya cukup jauh. Untuk itu, mereka dinaikkan ke pesawat terbang bersama dengan seorang suster perawat.

Semula penerbangan berjalan lancar, tetapi kemudian orang-orang gila itu mulai berulah.Salah satu dari mereka membawa bola dan mengajak teman-temannya main bola di dalam pesawat. Suasana di dalam pesawat menjadi gaduh karena mereka berteriak- teriak kegirangan.
Bola dilempar ke sana ke mari, bahkan sekali-kali sampai masuk ke ruang pilot.

Pilot menjadi marah karena konsentrasinya terganggu dan memanggil suster,
"Tolong mereka ditenangkan! Saya merasa sangat terganggu. Bisa-bisa pesawat ini menabrak gunung jika terus begini."

Untuk sementara mereka bisa tenang, tapi tak lama kemudian mereka mulai main bola lagi di dalam pesawat sehingga pilot kembali marah-marah kepada suster. Hal itu terjadi berulang kali sampai akhirnya pilot berkata,
"Suster, pokoknya saya tidak mau tahu. Mereka harus disuruh tenang. Anda sebagai suster RSJ harus bisa mengendalikan mereka."

"Baik pak," jawab suster, "kali ini benar-benar akan saya bereskan."

Tak berapa lama kemudian, suasana di dalam pesawat menjadi tenang dan sepi sekali sehingga membuat pilot keheranan.

Ia memanggil suster dan memuji,
"Hebat sekali! Akhirnya Anda berhasil menenangkan mereka.Bagaimana caranya?"

"Oh itu... Ternyata mudah sekali, kapten!" jawab suster sambil tersenyum bangga, "Saya suruh mereka main bola di luar."

"Astaga!!??......" :-o

Doa ala Betawi

Untuk mencari pengalaman dan pekerjaan, Arni berangkat ke Jakarta.Tak terasa setengah tahun Arni berada di jakarta. Dan Arni pun rindu kampung halamannya. Tak lama kemudian Arni pulang dengan logat yang kebetawi-betawian.

Si ayah pun bertanya,

Ayah :"Bagaimana kamu di Jakarta, nak?"
Arni: "Senang, beh!"
Ayah : "Kamu kerja apa di Jakarta?"
Arni : "Banyak, beh.... Yaah, jadi guru agama, pembina iman. Yaah pokoknya banyak deh, beh!"
Ayah : "Kalo begitu, nanti malam sebelum makan kamu mimpin doa ya !

Pada saat makan malam Arni pun memulai doanya,
"Babe gue yang ada di surge, Surge lu punye, bumi lu punye, Gue ape dong,Tapi nggak apalah, Amin ye!"

Semua anggota keluarga: "????!!!..."

Komputer Ajaib

Ratusan Ilmuwan terkemuka bahu membahu untuk membangun suatu komputer besar, suatu otak maha dahsyat dengan kemampuan yang bisa menjawab dan memecahkan semua pertanyaan dan rahasia alam semesta ini.

Akhirnya selesailah komputer itu dan siap untuk menjawab pertanyaan yang pertama.

Dengan tangan gemetar salah seorang dari ilmuwan itu memasukkan pertanyaan : "Bagaimanakah awal mula dunia ini ? "

Lampu berkelip-kelip dan terdengar bunyi berdenyit serta tak-tik-tuk.
Lalu komputer menjawab : "Silakan baca Kitab Kejadian . . . . "

Humor dokter vs pasien

PILIHAN
Seorang wanita tua pergi ke seorang dokter dan diberitahu bahwa ia menderita radang usus buntu dan harus dioperasi.

Untuk lebih mendapat kepastian, wanita itu pergi ke dokter lain.

Dokter yang lain tersebut memberitahu bahwa ia menderita penyakit jantung. Ia kembali ke dokter pertama.

"Saya lebih suka operasi usus buntu daripada operasi jantung," katanya.



SEKARANGLAH SAATNYA
Selesai melakukan pemeriksaan, berkatalah seorang dokter kepada pasiennya yang berkulit hitam.
"Saudara menderita penyakit kuning!" ujar dokter.

Mendengar keterangan dokter ini, si pasien bukannya terkejut atau khawatir tetapi dia malah sebaliknya dan senyum-senyum kegirangan.Tentu saja hal ini membuat dokter menjadi heran.
"Kenapa Anda malah senang?"

"Tentu saja, Dok!" jawabnya. "Lama sudah saya mendambakan kulit saya ini berubah warna menjadi kuning, rupanya sekaranglah saatnya baru tiba!"

Divorce

Ninety-four-year-old Mrs. Hatcher showed up at her lawyer's
office one Monday morning. "I want you to begin divorce
proceedings," she announced.

The lawyer was aghast. When he regained his composure, he said,
"Mrs. Hatcher, you and your husband have been married for over
seventy years. What in the world could have happened to make
you want to get divorced at this stage in your life?"

Mrs. Hatcher looked him squarely in the eye. She cleared her
throat and said, "We wanted to wait until all the children were
dead."

Blonde and Microwave

A young blonde woman walks into an appliance store and says,''I'd like to buy that TV''
The employee says ''Sorry I can't sell that TV to blondes.''

So she goes home, dyes her hair red and says ''I'd like to buy that TV.''
The employee says, ''I can't sell that TV to blondes.''

So she dyes her hair black, goes back and says ''I'd like to buy that TV.''
Once again the employee says the same thing.

The blonde says ''I've tried to buy that TV 3 times! How did you know I was blonde?''


The employee responds, ''Because thats not a TV, that's a microwave''