Suara Hati Anak Pantai

Puisi Anak Bali yg menentang UU Pornografi:

Bang Rhoma yang saya hormati...
Jangan salah kan turis pakai bikini
Mereka mencari matahari
Di pantai kebanggaan negeri ini
Untuk itu tolong pahami
Tak mungkin berjemur pakai dasi

Bang Rhoma yang saya hormati...
Mulailah introspeksi diri
Kelak kau temukan kebenaran sejati
Jangan banyak teori
Apalagi merasa suci
Engkau sendiri berpoligami
Kami anak pantai
Terbiasa dengan pemandangan begini
Biar pun rambut warna-warni
Kami masih punya nurani
Tak pernah ada syahwat menari

Bang Rhoma yang saya hormati...
Silahkan engkau datang kemari
Nikmati alam anugerah ilahi
Kami sambut dengan suka hati
Surfing pun kami ajari
Meluncur di atas ombak tinggi
Akan tetapi....
Jangan engkau pelototi
Kalau ada bodi seksi
Apalagi sampai birahi

Bang Rhoma yang saya hormati...
Mereka jangan dicaci maki
Apalagi dituduh pornografi
Semua itu keindahan tubuh yang alami
Dari negeri Sakura sampai Chili
Semua ada disini
Biarkan semua bangsa berbaur dalam damai
Mereka tidak cari sensasi
Tapi menghilangkan kepenatan sehari-hari
Jangan fanatik budaya Arab Saudi
Ingat budaya Indonesia asli
Sensual tapi penuh arti
Jika kau paksa terapkan di Bali
Semua itu akan jadi basi

Bang Rhoma yang saya hormati...
Jika engkau sudah datang kemari
Satu hal yang saya peringati
Meski ada turis cantik sekali
Jangan kau jadikan istri

One Hole Behind You..>!

A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said, "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on." She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6."
He thanked her and continued playing golf. Later he got lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on."
She told him "you are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13."
Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.
When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went upto her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living.
"I'm in sales."
He replied, "No kidding so am I. What do you sell?"
She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh. He promised.
She said, "I sell WHISPER (Sanitary Napkins)" .
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".
He replied, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper........I'm still one hole behind you."

ENGLISH

Non-English speaking countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists:

Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Doctor's office in Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner. Japan: COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the grounds of a Nairobi private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
In Aamchi Mumbai restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
The best!!!In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
A laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
In a Japanese cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

BLURR LIKE OCTOPUS

Very funnie, must read.

Ah Soh wants to buy a TV set. She goes to a shop.

Ah Soh : "Do you have color TV ?"

Salesgirl : "Yes !"

Ah Soh : "Give me a green one, please" ===============================================================

Ah Soh is filling up an application form for a job. She supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc. Then she comes to column on "Salary Expected".

She is not sure of the question. After much thought, she writes " Yes" ====================================================================

Ah Soh goes to a store and sees a shiny object.

Ah Soh : "What is that shiny object ?"

Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."

Ah Soh : "What does it do ?"

Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Ah Soh : "I'll buy it"

The next day, Ah Soh goes to work with her thermo flask

Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"

Ah Soh : "It's a thermos flask."

Boss : "What does it do?"

Ah Soh : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Boss : "What do you have in it ?"

AH Soh : "Two cups of coffee and a coke" (^_^)=====================================================================

After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Soh always compare it with the original for spelling mistakes.

=====================================================================

Ah Soh always smile during lightning storms.

Because she thinks her picture is being taken.

=====================================================================

How can you tell if the fax is from Ah Soh ? Because it has a postage stamp on it.

=====================================================================

Why can't Ah Soh dial 911? Because she can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.

=====================================================================

Ah Soh and her friend board a double-decker bus. Her friend get a seat downstair and Ah Soh goes upstair. After a while, her friend goes upstair to look for Ah Soh and find her clutching the seats in both hands and her body is shivering.

Her friend : "What happen to you? Why are you shivering, I was enjoying my ride downstair"

AhSoh : "Yeah, but you've got a driver but I don't".

Ayam dan Bebek

Cerita oleh Tony Wong dari Cina.
Sepasang pengantin baru tengah berjalan bergandengan tangan di sebuah hutan pada suatu malam musim panas yang indah, seusai makan malam. Mereka sedang menikmati kebersamaan yang menakjubkan tatkala mereka mendengar suara di kejauhan: "Kuek! Kuek!"
"Dengar," kata si istri, "Itu pasti suara ayam."
"Bukan, bukan. Itu suara bebek," kata si suami.
"Nggak, aku yakin itu ayam," si istri bersikeras.
"Mustahil. Suara ayam itu 'kukuruyuuuk! ', bebek itu 'kuek! kuek!' Itu bebek, Sayang," kata si suami dgn disertai gejala-gejala awal kejengkelan.
"Kuek! Kuek!" terdengar lagi.
"Nah, tuh ! Itu suara bebek," kata si suami..
"Bukan, Sayang. Itu ayam. Aku yakin betul," tandas si istri, sembari menghentakkan kaki.
"Dengar ya ! Itu adalah bebek, B-E-B-E-K. Bebek! Mengerti?" si suami berkata dengan gusar.
"Tapi itu ayam," masih saja si istri bersikeras."Itu jelas-jelas bue-bek, kamu? kamu?."
Terdengar lagi suara, "Kuek! Kuek!" sebelum si suami mengatakan sesuatu yang sebaiknya tak dikatakannya.
Si istri sudah hampir menangis, "Tapi itu ayam?.
"Si suami melihat air mata yang mengambang di pelupuk mata istrinya, dan akhirnya, ingat kenapa dia menikahinya. Wajahnya melembut dan katanya dengan mesra, "Maafkan aku, Sayang. Kurasa kamu benar. Itu memang suara ayam kok."
"Terima kasih, Sayang," kata si istri sambil menggenggam tangan suaminya."Kuek! Ku ek!" terdengar lagi suara di hutan, mengiringi mereka berjalan bersama dalam cinta.

Moral cerita :
Maksud dari cerita bahwa si suami akhirnya sadar adalah: siapa sih yang peduli itu ayam atau bebek? Yang lebih penting adalah keharmonisan mereka, yang membuat mereka dapat menikmati kebersamaan pada malam yang indah itu. Berapa banyak pernikahan yang hancur hanya gara-gara persoalan sepele? Berapa banyak perceraian terjadi karena hal-hal "ayam atau bebek"? Ketika kita memahami cerita tersebut, kita akan ingat apa yang menjadi prioritas kita. Banyak hal jauh lebih penting ketimbang mencari siapa yang benar tentang apakah itu ayam atau bebek. Lagi pula, betapa sering kita merasa yakin, amat sangat mantap, mutlak bahwa kita benar, namun belakangan ternyata kita salah? Lho, siapa tahu? Mungkin saja itu adalah ayam yang direkayasa genetik sehingga bersuara seperti bebek !

Komentar pribadi: Jangan sampai urusan bebek atau ayam membuat kehidupan perkawinan kita jadi kacau beliau yang bisa berakibat runyam.. Sekali-kali ngalah juga gak kalah koq... Lha, kalau urusannya sudah gajah sama dinosaurus ... gimana dong? Boleh gak ngalah gak?? Salam.

Avtur*)

Ini guyonan Suroboyoan, maaf untuk yang tidak mengerti bahasa Jawa (tanya sebelahnya ya ...), maaf juga kalo sudah pernah denger ...

Padmo ambek Joko koncoan apik, karo-karone kerjo ndik Lanud Juanda bagian pengisian BBM pesawat.
Bengi-bengi pas udhan deres, Juanda sepi gak onok pesawat sing wani mudhun, wong loro iku malih nganggur gak onok gawean.

"Adem-adem ngene enake ngombe yo" jare Padmo.
"Wah iyo tepak iki. Awakmu tau krungu tah lek avtur iku isok diombe ?" jare Joko.
"Yo tahu se, jarene lek ngombe avtur isok mak busss !! .. kon wani nyobak tah ?" Padmo mulai gunggungan.

Mari ngono arek loro mbukak krane truk tanki avtur.
Wis tuwuk ngombe arek loro iku mulih terus keturon.
Isuke pas Padmo tangi, rasane awake sueger kuat.
Moro-moro onok tilpun muni, tibane Joko sing nilpun.

"Yok opo kon 'Mo ?" jare Joko
"Wah whuenak, kon yok opo ?" jare Padmo
"Awakku yo sueger pisan. Kon gak teler tah ?" jare Joko
"Gak blas, aku yo gak ngelu blas. Wis pokoke enak. Mene nyobak maneh tah ?" jare Padmo
"Yo setuju, cumak aku kate takok, kon wis ngentut dhurung ?" takok Joko
'Dhurung ..."jare Padmo
"Wah gawat iki. Wis pokoke kon ojok sampek ngentut yo. Diempet ae sak kuatmu ..." jare Joko
"Lho opoko masalahe ...?" Padmo bingung
'Soale aku saiki ndik Banjarmasin ..."

*) AVTUR = AVIATION TURBIN FUEL - BAHAN BAKAR PESAWAT TERBANG

Latest Christmas Carol for 2008

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.

It's hitting you once,
It's hitting you twice
It doesn't care if you've been careful and wise
Recession is coming to town

It's worthless if you've got shares
It's worthless if you've got bonds
It's safe when you've got cash in hand
So keep cash for goodness sake, HEY

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town!

Finance products are confusing
Finance products are so vague
The banks make you bear the cost of risk
So keep out for goodness sake, OH

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town...

Cape Deh..!!

Cerita pendek berjudul "Cape deh"

Seorang boss bicara dengan sekretarisnya: "Seminggu kita pergi untuk perjalanan dinas, tolong siap-siap."
Sekretaris telepon suaminya: "Mas, saya mau berangkat untuk perjalanan dinas, hati-hati di rumah ya."
Suami telepon kekasih gelapnya: "Istriku mau berangkat seminggu, kau ada waktu?"
Kekasih gelap bilang terhadap anak kursusnya: "Nak, ibu punya banyak kerjaan selama seminggu, kursus ditiadakan selama seminggu."
Anak kursus bilang terhadap kakeknya: "Kek, seminggu tidak ada kursus, gurunya sibuk. Ayo kita jalan-jalan!"
Kakek (=Boss) telepon sekretarisnya: "Minggu ini saya mau jalan-jalan sama cucu saya, meeting dibatalkan."
Sekretaris telepon suaminya: "Bossnya ada kerjaan rumah yang mendadak, tripnya dibatalkan Mas."
Suami bilang kekasih gelapnya: "Kau tak bisa datang, istriku tak jadi pergi."
Kekasih gelap telepon anak kursusnya : "Nak, kursus minggu ini berjalan seperti biasa."
Anak kursus bilang sama kakeknya: "Kek, guruku bilang kursus berjalan normal. Kakek jalan sendiri aja."
Kakek bilang sama sekretarisnya: "Minggu ini kita atur perjalanan dinas lagi. Kamu siap-siap, yah!"

Dan seterusnya.. cerita berlanjut terus... diterusin sendiri ya.. Cape deh kalo harus nulis semua di sini..............!