Cheer Up Jokes

Elaine : What is the opposite of 'You Say'?
Shawn : Mmmmmm . . . Aahha! The answer is 'I say'.
Elaine : Wrrrrrrrrong. It is . . . "SEIYU".
Shawn : Eeeeeeeeeehhhh???

A customer went to snack bar and ordered a hamburger. When 20 minutes had gone and his food hadn't arrived, the irritate customer asked the waiter.
Customer: Will my hamburger be long?
Waiter: No, sir...it will be round.

Diner: Waiter, look at this chicken, nothing but skin and bones.
Waiter: What else do u want, feathers?
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?

Almost bald man: Why do u always charge me double? You ought to charge me cheaper for I don't have much hair!
Barber: No, no! We don't charge for cutting the hair! We charge for having to search for it!

New prisoner comes to prison cell.
Convicts: What has happened with you that you are here?
Prisoner: I have broken a window on my job place.
Convicts: It's unbelievable! Where did you work?
Prisoner: On a submarine.